Mumsnet

Oh what a start to the week. As I no longer have children at home or indeed go to work ( indeed I am that old or have a man keeping me - you decide) I spent the first half an hour of today reading yesterdays papers in bed. I only got to the first magazine article before I felt obliged to blog. The aforementioned article was about Mumsnet. It would appear that some participants have been made to feel inadequate and indeed even cyber bullied by other contributors. How can this be? I don't know but I imagined that this brilliant idea for a website was to support, encourage and listen to new mums feeling their way. I'm sure that this is what the fast majority do but how sad that new mums even if only one or two should be feeling less that perfect.

I haven't read Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer 'Self-esteem for Girls: 100 tips for raising happy and confident children' but I will be. Anyone who can say " At the end of the day, other people's approach to parenting shouldn't matter. Just as there's no one way to be a child, there's no one way to be a mother. Your own special relationship, your own personality, your genuineness are all you have to offer. When you start comparing, playing games and worrying what everyone else is thinking, your child is the one who loses out." is alright by me! Here endeth the first lesson before breakfast but I have more thoughts and will be back later to-day x

Can you believe it.............

Following a charming family around the supermarket to-day: not in a stalkerish kind of way you understand but in a we seem to be buying the same things kind of way: very well spoken definitely yummy mummy with male toddler and baby girl. Small boy was obviously quite fed up with shopping and was not being involved in any positive way and seemed quite jealous of baby girl. His carrot which was frequently dangled for good behaviour was a trip to the play area ( is that a park?) after said shopping. Unbelievably when at the till and small boy asked if behaviour warrented such a trip he was told that indeed it did but unfortunately baby girl now needed her nap so they would all be going straight home. Dear god I feel sure that little wee bairn will have had a sharp pinch by now!!

Being Judgemental

Is this a conundrum? I have very strong feelings regarding people who judge other people. Clearly this in itself is being judgemental. What is the way around this? It is absolutely right and proper to have opinions on everything and indeed I do!! Noticed? - I think so. It is not however right or proper to judge people for those opinions. Hmnm this is becoming a thought for today and even I am becoming bored with it so hopefully will return later with a far more interesting subject.

Hmmm

I have been reading a very interesting article about to-days yummy mummies. These wonderful women who have successful fulfilling careers, marriages made in heaven and small children that adore them. How lovely you think and how blatently untrue I think but also ponder on this. One of these girls ( for that is in fact what they are - you are not a woman until you stop putting yourself first) says how very important it is that she has a quality hour with her children each day and that this hour means more than the whole day spent with them if she wasn't working as she would of course be unfulfilled and in her opinion therefore miserable.

All well and good but what if the hour timetabled isn't good for the children? What if that particular hour they are tired, hungry, in a bad mood, just want to chill out and not be over stimulated by a mummy ( however yummy) that actually just feels guilty?

Its not easy and theres no right or wrong answer but please understand that and don't justify your lifestyle by appearing to criticise everyone elses.

I really hope we can get some discussion going on this.

Ying and Yang

Its all ying and yang isn't it really?

I have this morning received by email the most glorious photographs of my grandson in his new shoes! Absolutely wonderful. So with a light heart and a smile on my face upstairs for a self indulgent soak in the bath but thats life for you - we appear to have no running water in the bathroom!! Not hot, not cold. For goodness sake. Please don't ask the obvious question I shall answer it for you straight away - he's on the golf course.

Adult children well adult male children aren't they just a joy? A very dear friend of mine has one of this species and emailed a mutual friend and I with his most recent escapade. I replied in a supportive if exasperated manner trying to be both sympathetic and empathic but the other friend replied thus:

Dear God!!! what are they trying to do to us.???... that's bad... I have to say, even by my standards... and yes, could have been very , VERY dangerous. Have to lie down in darkened room now.... speak later...

Don't you just love it?

In the same way that we all remember momentous moments in history I can assure you that you will remember the first time that you hear your beloved grandchild described as naughty! Today I have been cut to the quick. The fact that it was his very yummy mummy describing him didn't lessen the sting at all. How could this be? Hmm let me assure you the jury is well and truly out on this one!

You ask - I do it

I have two fabulous grandchildren with nearly 10 years between them ( they are not siblings). The elder had an emotional difficulty recently and asked me to do something for her. Without hesitation I just did this: this does not make me special but sometime later following a casual remark by someone else ( who didn't know the details to be fair as they were confidential) it did make me reflect. How often when someone asks us to do something do we pause, consider and then maybe help, the level of which depends on so many factors but when a grandchild asks you just do it, no hesitation no discussion. This is who Grandmothers are. Who else can make us feel like this? Our children certainly sometimes but sometimes not because we are bound up in guiding them, helping them to think for themselves, find their own way, fight their own battles, a partner if we are very lucky and still have a partner that we feel that way for, but a grandchild always unconditionally: simples.

Gripe

Now this is nothing about being a mum or a grandma but a really selfish gripe! Does it irritate anyone else that all the current game shows, competitions etc on t.v. all feature people who have terrible circumstances around them? Now please don't misunderstand me which I know you all are at this moment and awful curses are being placed upon my house already but could we please have a game show, quiz or something for people who just want fun and to win? Is that too awful? I have enormous symapthy and compassion and everyone who knows me will testify to this - honest! But hey surely there is room somewhere for a healthy competitive spirit and I don't mean the World Cup.

Easter

Did everyone have a lovely Easter? How many of us made Roast Lamb, Simnel Cakes, Easter Egg Hunts and had lovely smiles on our faces all day? No me neither. It was lovely to have lots of family together and made us all want to count our blessings briefly.

We heard today of friends who have lost an adult child to cancer. Thank god that I have not had that experience and so cannot possibly begin to imagine their pain and grief but there can't be anything worse can there? Our hearts break for them and we truly do thank god that this beloved daughter is no longer suffering.

Thoughts for today!

Now heres the thing: I had today a wonderful thought provoking quandry which I felt sure would be debated by us all for some time and you know the rest don't you? Of course, I have forgotten what the hell it was. How do we stop this? Its not dementia or any of the other really serious and distressing conditions that may yet befall us - its just that annoying habit of thoughts that just float through our conscience and disapear not absorbed and often never to return. So sorry for that.

I don't want to open the whole glorious subject of grandchildren per se today but do any of you feel like this? An acquaintence who has the joy of 2 new grandsons remarks that the babies have taken over the households. The bathroom is an assault course of toys and learning (?) devices, the living rooms full of baby gyms, ball pools, toy boxes, developmental equipment etc. As for the kitchens don't get me started on organic this, eco friendly that. Is it the case that children are no longer part of the family, an integral member but the centre of that family the raison d'etre of the unit ? Can this be a good thing? We weren't like this and the generation before us certainly not. Shall we talk about this or just pour another lovely drop of Merlot. No question mark - it wasn't a question. Night Night xx